Phone Photo

We have been playing outside every chance we get because soon the rains will come and the sun will leave Seattle for a time.  I snapped this picture of Hannah on my phone while we were out on one of our outdoor adventures.  I love the way the sunlight is radiating above her.  The same way her joy radiates to everyone around her.  We love our beautiful, strong, and brave girl.

Treatment and a Miracle

We had an appointment with Hannah's Neurologist in July.  She was very happy to see the progress Hannah made, but was concerned that she wasn't completely better yet.  They expected her symptoms to resolve within a few months, and here we were 6 months later and Hannah was still trying to gain enough balance and coordination to walk.  She mentioned a couple of treatment options that might speed recovery.  IVIG or steroids.  Steroids never seemed like a good idea to me.  Part of Hannah's illness has included emotional instability that made her irritable, sometimes inconsolable, and not sleep very well.  All of which are possible side effects of steroids.  IVIG I didn't know much about, so we told her we would think about it and get back to her.  IVIG stands for Intravenous Immunoglobulin.  It is basically antibodies pooled from thousands of donors and administered through an IV.  I was hesitant to put Hannah through any treatments because she had been through so much and because there was no guarantee that it would work.

IVIG is an antibody replacement therapy that is usually given to patients who are immune deficient.  Because Hannah's condition is so rare (like 1 in 10 million), there haven't been many studies on the benefits of IVIG and Post-Viral Cerebellar Ataxia.  I did some research on it, and we prayed about it, and started to feel good about trying it.  And then the answer I had been looking for came in the form of a really bad flu.  In early September, Hannah got very sick with a fever, vomiting, lethargy, and congestion.  When she got sick her Ataxia (shaking, incoordination) got much much much (did I say much yet?) worse. All the progress she had made since January seemed to vanish overnight.  She could no longer walk, she couldn't talk very well, and she was sleeping all day long.  It was terrifying because it seemed like we were back in the thick of her illness again and we didn't know how long it would take her to recover this time.

The only thing that brought me comfort was the fact that her neurologist had warned us that if she got a cold/flu it would make her Ataxia symptoms more severe.  So we watched her and worried and nursed her back to health and gradually, as she recovered from the flu, the severity of Ataxia decreased too.  Getting sick was the answer we needed because we could see how when her immune system got kicked into high gear to fight off whatever virus was making her sick the autoimmune attack on her cerebellum also increased which caused the Cerebellar Ataxia to get worse too.  So we contacted Hannah's neurologist and scheduled and IVIG treatment with the hopes that the influx of antibodies would in turn tell the immune response on her cerebellum to back off.

On September 13th we took Hannah to the hospital for her 6 hour long infusion of IVIG.  As hard as it was to stand by and watch the nurses place an IV in her tiny arm, it was even harder to keep Hannah from looking down at it for half of the day while the treatment took place.  She was so scared, but as soon as we explained to her that it was medicine to make her all better she calmed down and was very interested in all the numbers and beeping.  As always, she handled everything like a champ.  We took her home and waited to see what kind of reaction her body would have.

The next day she seemed fine so we took her to Physical Therapy.  She only lasted 30 minutes before she tried to take a nap in the swing.  She fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept for 4 hours.  When she woke up she vomited a couple of times and had a bit of a fever.  They told us that flu like symptoms were a possibility, but it was still hard not to be concerned and hope that we did the right thing.  In a couple of days she was back to normal and we were starting to see improvements in her Ataxia.

It has been 12 days since she received IVIG and we feel so blessed to tell you that the treatment is working.  Hannah isn't just walking now, she is running!!  The most beautiful run I have ever seen.  Her personality is shining through, she is calmer and happier.  At church on Sunday she sat with me the majority of Sacrament coloring and sitting calmly.  A few times she folded her arms and whispered to me "I'm being reverent mommy".  People at church who have been praying and rooting for our little girl to recover were in tears as they saw her run through the halls and said they felt like they were witnessing a miracle.  Her Physical, and Occupational Therapists were both amazed by the improvements just since seeing her a week before.  She is having fun playing dress up again and running up and down hills.  She is picking up balls and throwing them without tumbling to the ground with too much effort.  She is able to just be a an active playful loving kid again.

I took this picture right after she woke up this morning.  She hasn't woken up this happy in like 9 months.

We hear time and time again that prayers aren't answered in our time, but in the Lord's time and I feel like He had been trying to tell us she would get better but our fears were getting in the way of truly knowing that she would be ok.  It took 9 months and our prayers are finally being answered.  She will be able to achieve and excel and live a happy life.  For those of you that are dealing with struggles and heartaches and health issues my heart goes out to you.  Things may not miraculously get better overnight, but eventually things will get better and you will see His hands were always there to lift you up and guide you.  Thank you for your interest and concern in our daughter, for your thoughts and prayers.  For being the earthly angelic hands to lift us and serve us when our world came tumbling down.  I just want to let you know that I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.  He will answer yours too.

Hannah's Progress

We hoped and prayed that Hannah would miraculously get better over night.  But as you all know, sometimes our prayers aren't answered the way we want them to be.  It has been 8 long and challenging months since Hannah became very sick and was diagnosed with ACA.  Each week she is progressing and performing everyday tasks a little better.  To avoid despair, Jake and I learned to focus on how much she has improved since her time in the hospital.  To compare Hannah to the perfectly healthy little girl she was last year is heartbreaking, but when we think back to how sick and helpless she was in January and February, we realize just how far she has come. 

In January, Hannah didn't have the coordination to sit up, play, crawl, walk, speak, eat, or even control her eye movements.  Hannah girl is light years better than she was during those scary months.  For those of you who haven't seen or heard yet: Hannah is walking again!  Three months ago, on May 31st, Hannah took about 10 steps on her own.  She took off walking across the living room, stopped half way and exclaimed in the most jubilant voice "Hannah's walking!!!" and then preceded to take a few more steps.  It was such an amazing moment of triumph for all of us, 5 long months in the making.

Hannah in May when she still needed her walker and helmet to get around.

Not being able to walk was one of the most frustrating things for Hannah.  So, every night after we put Liam to bed, we would practice walking with Hannah in the living room.  Jake and I would sit on opposite sides of the living room and take turns supporting and encouraging her to walk from me to Jake and visa versa.  The first few weeks she would stumble and barely make it a step.  But eventually she would make it a few steps before we caught her as she tumbled to the ground.  And by the end of May she developed enough strength and courage to make it 10 incredible steps on her own.  By July she was walking 80% of the time and by August she hardly had to crawl at all.  She still runs into things sometimes and falls down quite a bit, especially when she is tired, but gradually her coordination is getting better.  She can stand up in the middle of the floor without any help and prefers to walk without the help of our hands anymore.

Hannah in September, loving every second of walking on her own again.

Hannah's independent drive to do things on her own has definitely helped her overcome this illness.  The other day I was sitting down watching her prepare a tea party and it took her 5 minutes to do something that would normally take 30 seconds.  She took her trembling arm and picked up the little pitcher off the top shelf, grabbed a cup in her other hand and held them both close to her chest as she poured some "tea" into her cup.  Then she struggled getting the pitcher back on the shelf but she kept adjusting it and trying to get her shaky arm to do what she wanted and didn't give up until it was sitting in the same spot she grabbed it from.  My eyes welled up because I learn so much from her.  I couldn't do what she has done.  The fact that she doesn't just want to do things on her own, but that she wants to do them well has benefited her infinitely with this illness.

Everyday we see more and more of the personality and joy that defined our little girl before we lost her for a time to Cerebellar Ataxia.  Two Sunday's ago our family was getting ready to go to church.  Hannah saw that everyone was getting dressed, so she announced "I'm gonna get dressed", and then went in her room and closed the door behind her.  A few minutes later we decided to check on her.  She had gone through her dresser, picked out a perfectly matched skirt and shirt, and started dressing herself.  For most 3 year old's that is nothing out of the ordinary, but for Hannah this was a huge milestone she couldn't do for 8 months.  She is back to some of her adorable habits of collecting her favorite toys and little treasures from around the house and putting them in a purse and carrying them with her everywhere she goes.  A little quirk that I didn't know I missed until I saw her do it again.

That smile.

Her talking is starting to improve almost daily.  The coordination to speak has been a slow process.  Back in January she could only say a few words and they were very labored and static. She is now talking in sentences again and constantly asking us questions.  Jake and I can understand everything she say's, but people who aren't around her a lot usually need us to translate.  Last night she made a huge step in communication when she was able to tell us about something we didn't see happen.  Here is what we saw: Liam and Hannah both screaming and Hannah grabbing Liam by the face from behind to pull him off a car she was playing on.  I told Hannah to apologize to Liam and give him a kiss.  She said she was sorry but then said, "He needs to say sorry to Hannah".  I asked her why he needed to say sorry and she showed me the bite mark on her hand and said "Baby bruh bit me hard! He needs to say sorry." The way she was able to explain herself and tell us exactly what happened was so impressive because she couldn't communicate well for months.

She has been sleeping in her own bed for a few months now.  Most nights she will wake up hysterical and I have to go in and calm her down but it doesn't take long to get her back asleep, which is a big improvement from months of sleepless nights.  Overall her health, sweet demeanor, and everything Hannah loved to do is slowly within her reach again.  Her patience with herself has been extraordinary.  She has adapted to her limits and slowly tries to exceed them.  We love you Hannah girl!  Your strength and courage throughout this whole ordeal are inspiring. 

Liam is 18 months old!

I have so much blog catching up to do it is a bit overwhelming.  But I couldn't let today pass without doing a little post about Liam.  Today Liam is 18 months old!  He is such a boy.  He loves cars, trucks, dirt, sticks, and climbing.  One day I turned my head for a few seconds and turned back around to see a grinning little boy standing on top of the kitchen table.  A couple of months ago I discovered he could count to 10 when I said 1 and he finished counting to 10.  He is hilarious.  If we say the word scowl he will look at you and display the best scowl you ever did see.  He adores his big sister and learns so much from her.  He has not been the best sleeper.  Just a month ago he started sleeping through the night consistently.  He is a chatter box.  He has a lot of words (over 100) and combines them to form sentences.  He can repeat almost anything you ask him to and then adds them to his vocabulary instantly.  I have never actually written down all the words he can say, so for journalistic purposes here we go.  Feel free to skip over this part, I am probably the only person who does not find this list boring :-)

1. Mama/Mami
2. Dada/Dadi
3. Hannah 
4. Ball
5. Car
6. Race Car
7. Truck
8. Garbage Truck
9. Hold you
10. Help me
11. Baby
12. Grama Gi Gi
13. Brampa
14. Mimi
15. Papa
16. Mamer = Mater
17. Book
18. Wuv you
19. Wuv you fifee (Love you infinity)
20. Crap (I know, we are tremendous parents)
21. Go
22. Bye Bye
23. Go bye bye
24. Go bye bye car
25. Here go (Here ya go)
26. Airpane
27. Go bye bye airpane
28. Nope (I love that he says nope for no)
29. Ochay
30. Milk
31. Drink
32. Juice
33. Nana (Banana)
34. Apple 
    
35. Cha Cho Juice (Chocolate Milk)
36. Cup
37. Cracker
38. Cheese
39. Cookie
40. Wa wa (water)
41. Raspberry
42. Chair
43. High Chair
44. Fishy
45. Horsy
46. Cow
47. Bird
    
48. Duchy (ducky)
49. Kack Kack (quack quack)
50. Giraffe
51. Elephant
52. Hippo
53. Monkey
54. Oo aah aah (sound monkey makes)
55. Moon
56. Er is Hannah? (Where is Hannah?)
57. Er she is Hannah (There she is Hannah)
58. Ouchie
59. Amen
60. Hello
61. Hi
62. Soap
63. Show Show (Shower)
64. Show show da da soap
65. Foot
66. Ticka Ticka (tickle tickle)
67. Jack
68. Baby
69. Trey
70. Macme
71. Aubrey
72. Unka Day (Uncle Day)
73. Naina (Alaina)
74. Cupcake
75. Coming
76. Candy
77. Ice cream
78. Shoe
79. Mi Mow (Mickey Mouse)
80. Mi Mi Mow (Minnie Mouse)
    
81. Chi Chow
82. Baby Bruh (baby brother)
83. Milk shik (Milk shake)
84. Flowfer (flower)
85. Tree
86. Hat
87. Biper Change (diaper change)
88. Bike
89. Ow side (outside)
90. Pack Pack (back pack)
91. Mote (remote)
92. Jishous (Jesus) 
93. Skews Shoo (Excuse you)
94. Pees (Please)
95. Uh Oh
96. Down
97. All done
98. All gone
99. Nose
100. Ear
101. Eye
102. Too Bruh (tooth brush)
103. Stuck 
104. One more time
105. One
106. Two 
107. Three
108. Four
109. Fif
110. Six
111. Sen
112. Eight
113. Nine
114. Ten
115. Sawsee (sorry)
116. Open
117. Open door

We love our little man so much!  He has added so much joy and fun to our family. I'm gonna miss my baby, but I sure love the little boy he is becoming.  Here are some pictures of our growing boy.

4th of July

Holding hands with daddy at the Boise Zoo

Driving a truck at the Boise Zoo

He loves swimming and has no fear when it comes to water

He loves bananas.  And Hannah's sunglasses.

We celebrated his 18 month birthday with a cupcake.  He was timid at first.

But then he dug right in.

He loves cupcakes.

Looking cute bud!

Easter

I love Easter. Besides Christmas, it is my favorite Holiday. We had a wonderful Easter. On Saturday morning we had a brunch with our pal's the Hills and then went to Volunteer Park for an Easter Egg Hunt. It was a gorgeous day. Sunny and warm, well, warm for Seattle that is.

Easter morning the kids woke up to these snazzy little baskets. They were so hyped on sugar, turns out our kids are big sweet tooths. No surprise though, Jake and I love all things sugary so our kids had no chance not to be. Our sacrament meeting consisted of beautiful music performed by members of the ward. The primary children sang an Easter song. It was hard to watch the Sunbeams go up there and Hannah not sing with them. Her little friends waved to her though, which was so sweet and thoughtful. Soon she will be able to join her class in primary, very soon.

The kiddos in their Easter Sunday best.
Tubs hunting for Easter Eggs. He loved wandering around, finding an egg, and sitting down to open it up and find the candy.
Jake helped Hannah walk around to find the eggs.
She did a great job walking.Beautiful girl.Love seeing smiles from Hannah girl!
The 3 munchkins after their successful Easter Egg Hunt.The view from the top of the Observation Tower. Seattle is beautiful when the sun comes out.We are so grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that because He died, we will all live again.  I feel like because of Hannah's illness I more fully understand the depth of the Atonement, and more fully understand how difficult it must have been for our Heavenly Father to send his perfect child down to earth to suffer and die for us.  Watching Hannah's health deteriorate and not being able to fix her was the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  I know that God loves us because he was able to sacrifice his Beloved Son for us.  He must love us all a lot.  :-)

A more recent Hannah update

Hannah is doing much better. One month ago today we removed the NG tube. She was eating better and we wanted to see if her appetite would increase without the formula feedings. It was a success! She isn't eating and drinking as much as she used to, but it is enough to not need the tube back in her nose. Such a relief! That thing was a hassle. It would constantly leak and I do not miss waking up in a pool of formula on the bed.

She is making big improvements physically too. She can now crawl which has helped her to not become as frustrated through out the day. She can sit up on her own and play with her little brother. And by play I mean steal toys from him, but that's beyond the point. Last week she started to be able to pull herself up to standing with the help of furniture, which is a great milestone for her. She has therapy 3 times a week. Each week the therapists are impressed with her progress. It is reassuring to hear that other people see improvements in her as well.

Her ability to communicate is improving too. I can understand her most of the time and she is speaking more frequently. Her favorite thing to do these days is to read or be read to. When she was really sick she couldn't do much so we would read to her. Most of our day is spent reading the same books over and over, but luckily she has the books memorized so sometimes we get away with asking her to read to us. She is sleeping much better too. She sleeps in bed with us, our next goal is to get her back in her own bed.

Overall things are going well. She is happier, so we are happier.

Hanging out with her best bud Jack
This was hilarious. I put Liam down and when I came back downstairs I stumbled upon this Kodak moment. Jake and Hannah were both asleep, in pretty much the exact same position. One arm up over the head, one leg on the couch, the other leg hanging off the couch, mouth partially open. I love everything about this picture.

Hannah wearing a new dress that Grandma Geri got her. She looked beautiful in it.

And finally an update on Hannah

I didn't post any updates mostly due to lack of time. But also because Hannah got worse, much worse before she started to get better. I just did not want to relive the pain of everything going on by writing it all down. I needed to wait until I had some good news to report. So now that she is on her way to recovery, I will record what she has been through because I want her to know what an inspiration she is to us and everyone around her. I want her to know how strong she is, and above all how much she is loved.

When I last wrote Hannah had just been readmitted to the hospital. She had been vomiting for a few days, was severely lethargic, and we were worried that she was getting dehydrated. That worry was confirmed when the nurses had to try 3 times to put the IV in her little hand. She was put on various anti-nausea medications but nothing seemed to work. She would throw up at least twice a day. She lost the necessary coordination to chew and swallow food, so she started losing weight. A nasogastric tube had to be placed into her stomach to catch her up on the nutrition she needed.

The illness took away every ounce of joy Hannah had. Within a weeks time, everything our sweet girl loved to do was taken from her. She could no longer walk, she couldn't color, she couldn't talk, or sing her favorite songs, she could no longer eat, she would cry for hours due to pain, frustration, and an inability to communicate. Her eye nystagmus got so bad that she couldn't even watch TV. She would sleep in our arms or cry.

She was in the hospital for 4 weeks this time. The longest 4 weeks of our life. By week 2 she started to show signs of progress. She would eat a little more, vomit a little less, interact a little more, and not sleep so much during the day. The day we finally heard her laugh again was like medicine for our aching souls.

Everyday she would ask if she could go home. The day we were able to tell her she could go home she lit up and started talking more. On Tues Feb 7th, Hannah was released from the hospital. Progress was much more rapid at home and she started sleeping through the night again.

I have learned so much by watching this amazing little girl struggle to overcome such a hardship. She still has a long road to recovery. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy every week will help her to continue to recover. But I sit here in awe of my little girl. Everything was taken from her, but she still keeps on smiling.

This picture was taken right before she was discharged from the hospital
Reading her books on the couch
Sitting up on the couch for the first time
Hannah girl, you are getting better sweetheart. Slowly but surely you are getting better. One day you will be able to run and jump again, but till then we will be there to lift you up and help you wherever you want to go. Mommy and daddy love you so very much. If we could take your place we would do so in a heartbeat. We love you infinity!